Saturday, August 30, 2014

Mrs. McD is BAAAACCCKKKK!!!

Well, I guess it has been a while!
Pardon the interruption!  I have had so many things going on in my life - some good news, some surprising news, more grief over missing my Mom, and a new teaching job that fell in my lap!
This blog will most likely continue to be ignored for a while.  That doesn't mean I'm done crafting or done with Weight Watchers or done with trying to get in shape!  It does mean my Etsy shop is closed indefinitely though!  I just don't have the time :(
I'm thinking of starting a new blog about my teaching.  I love to share my ideas and especially my students' ideas!  That's where my focus will be for quite a while!
When I make something cute for my home or start focusing more on exercise again, I will share that!
Until then…be blessed!
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Tuesday, June 17, 2014

After Week One - Weight Watchers Simple Start

I've made it OVER a week now!
Doesn't sound like much, but I'm pretty proud of myself.  I finished my first week with 4 indulgence points left and 4.2 lbs down!!!
I lost 4.2 pounds in one week!
Yes, it was the first work and it was immediately following a vacation, but I still lost over 4 pounds.

Making my menu and grocery list for this week was much easier than last week.  I knew what I enjoyed eating, what filled me up, and what wanted to cook with.

My fridge is now LOADED with fruits and veggies.  I've given in and bought a few more low-fat dairy products.  I'm still not sure how I feel about that.  I'm finding the whole-grains and whole-wheat products that I like. And I've chosen my indulgences carefully so that I don't feel deprived at all.

I've also been working on being more active.  It is HOT in the south in June.  Outdoor activities have to happen early in the morning!  But, I'm doing it with a dear friend.

My favorite dinner I've made this week was a nice lemony fish recipe I adapted from the WW app.

Ingredients for 2 servings:
2 tilapia filets
olive oil spray
lemon dill seasoning
salt
pepper
1 lemon

Directions:
Pre-heat oven to 450.  Pat filets dry.  Salt and pepper both sides.  Line a baking pan with foil.  Lay filets side by side.  Sprinkle with lemon dill seasoning to your liking.  Lay a slice of lemon on top of each filet.  Loosely tent fish with foil.  Bake for 10-20 minutes until fish flakes.  Sprinkle with lemon juice and serve!

I ate mine with couscous and garlic sautéed green beans.

I'll update you on the next phase!



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Friday, June 13, 2014

Weight Watchers Simple Start

If you've ever visited my blog, you know that I've been attempting to be a healthy and fit women for a couple of years now.  Enter: Weight Watchers Simple Start.
I have was successful with clean eating and regular exercise for a while. But, life got in the way.  I had lost about 23 pounds and built a good bit of muscle and then I went to Disney World!  (oopsies)
I started to get back on track and then the Holidays showed up.  (oopsies again)
Once again, got back into some good habits and Mom got sicker and then passed away.
In the midst of her hospice care and death, I lost a chunk of weight quickly because I couldn't eat.  So, when I did start to get any appetite back, everyone encouraged me to eat anything I wanted just so I would eat.  All I wanted was comfort food - bread, mac'n'cheese, and cake!  So, I got back into some bad habits that are super-difficult to break.
I've been on 3 trips since then - a cruise (all you can eat.  and I did), San Francisco - great food, and the beach where my besties and I all cooked our most indulgent dishes!
So, needless to say, time to create some better habits.
So does my Daddy. He is a double amputee and is now alone in his home in a wheel chair.  Transferring to and from his chair on a daily basis is scary when there's nobody around to help if he falls.  It would be much easier if he lost some weight.  Time for us to do this together!

And that's where WW comes in.


I have tried to count points in the past. I've had some success, but found it to easy to "cheat" by using all my points for junk food.  Not a whole lot of nutrition, even if there was some weight loss.
So, now I'm trying the Simple Start method to learn ways to create meals and snacks with healthier choices.

Here's how it works:

  • There is a list of "power foods" from which I choose the parts of my meals - fruits, veggies, proteins, and grains.
  • I get 7 points per day for indulgences - cream in my coffee, peanut butter with a snack, a pice of chocolate when I'm having one of those days, etc.
  • I will follow this plan for 2 weeks and then switch to either Points Plus or Simply Fit - basically the same program.
  • During this two week period I am learning how to eat and how to control my portions.  When am I really hungry?
How's it going so far?
  • I've already lost over 3 pounds in a little under a week!
  • I realized that I actually enjoy some foods that I thought were just "diet food."
  • These choices are easy to make and filling
  • I'm incorporating exercise again - time to get that heart pumping again!
Concerns I have:
  • Fat-free dairy, mayo, and dressings.  After learning so much about eating clean, I do not like having to choose fat-free items. What else is in them that I shouldn't be eating?
  • There are no rules to portion control.  I realize that may be by design for now, but I'm not sure.
  • Can I maintain this type of eating on vacation? at a restaurant? on a Mission Trip?
  • My grocery bill was really high this week!
What I've eaten:
  • The plan provides several meal options for breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even snacks.
  • I started off by trying to follow those meals exactly.
  • I found a way to incorporate different foods from the list into these recipes to tailor them to my own taste.
Breakfast:
  • Fiber One Ceral, fruit, fat free milk, coffee with cream (1 point)
  • cottage cheese, pineapple, cinnamon
  • light English muffin, cottage cheese, cinnamon, berries - toasted - so yummy!
Lunch:
  • leftovers from dinner
  • salad with tons of veggies and light ranch (1 point)
  • turkey sandwich on low calorie whole grain bread, fruit, and veggies
Dinner:
  • tilapia, couscous, sautéed green beans
  • taco rice(my own recipe - see below)
  • chicken, couscous, veggies
Snacks:
  • sugar-free Jello, cottage cheese, pineapple (it was actually really good!)
  • fresh veggies and dip made with lemon dill seasoning, low-cal mayo, and fat free sour cream
  • fruit! fruit! fruit!

Taco Rice Recipe:

Ingredients:
99% lean ground turkey
cooked brown rice
fat free salsa
fat free plain yogurt
olive oil
low sodium taco seasoning
grape tomatoes
reduced fat grated cheese
mixed greens

Brown lean ground turkey in 2 tsp of olive oil.  Add taco seasoning to taste with a little water (as directed on seasoning package).  Simmer until water begins to evaporate.  Stir in about 1/2 cup of salsa, 1/2 cup of yogurt.  Remove from heat and sprinkle cheese over the top.  Let sit until cheese begins to melt.  Stir in cooked brown rice.  Serve with mixed greens and tomatoes.  Add any other veggies you desire!




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Tuesday, May 27, 2014

MaryKay Glam

I recently received my latest VoxBox from Influenster and inside was a PILE of MaryKay products!  I was excited to try them all, but I was surprised to see that I could do a full face with what was in the box.
Here is what I got:


  • Lash Love Mascara: I've had MK mascara that I absolutely loved in the past.  This one was good, but not as good as my usual.  It doesn't go one smoothly enough for me.  My lashes are long and dark, but kind of sparse.  This made them clump and look even more sparse.  I did like that I could cry (which I do often these days) and sweat and still have mascara on my lashes - not all over my face!
  • Gel Eyeliner: I am terrible at eyeliner!  But, this one is EASY!  I love this stuff.  The brush is stiff enough that I can't get too far off track.  It goes on well and stays on most of the day.
  • Cream Eye Color: This color is perfect for the summer.  Just enough shimmer to look summery, but not glittery.  This cream goes on smoothly stays one a while.  Most cream shadows don't work well on me, but this one seems to stay for a long time.
  • Bronzing Powder: LOVE!  love. love. love.  I started my love affair with bronzer a couple of years ago.  I've had an old-stand-by, but I was ready to try something new. This product almost naturally blends in!  It is the perfect shade for many skin tones without looking orange!  And it lasts!
  • Lip Gloss: Mango Tango may not be my ideal color, but it is so summery!  I wear it often. I just wish it last longer.  It may be a little to sticky for me too.
  • Cheek Color: I LOVE this color!  It is a pretty pink with enough shimmer and bronze in it to just look like a natural summer check color. This one lasts a while too!
  • Translucent Powder: just enough coverage to keep from being shiny.
  • Brushes: Both brushes pick up the right amount of product and apply it evenly.  I'll probably invest in more MK brushes soon.

It took me under 5 minutes to apply all of these products for a full summer face!  It is quick and easy and just enough coverage for a summer day!



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Thursday, May 22, 2014

Mom's San Francisco

One of Mom's favorite places in the world was San Francisco, California.  She went there in April of 1991 while my daddy was taking a 2-week course out there for work.  She talked about that trip over and over for the 23 years after that.  It was "the most romantic city" and "the perfect vacation spot."

Before we knew she only had a matter of weeks left, I found out my husband would be going on a business trip there.  Mom insisted that I should go with him!  But, before we could really make any plans, we found out Mom only had a few days left with us.
All of our time was devoted to being with her.  After she passed away, all of our time was devoted to plans and mourning - no thoughts of travel.

When it came time for the hubs to make his travel plans, he asked if I still wanted to go.  At first, the thought of being gone for Mother's Day was scary.

What would I do for Mother's Day now?

I couldn't even wrap my head around how to do that day.  When I talked to Daddy about it, he insisted that San Francisco was the perfect place to celebrate Mother's Day.  That's where Mom would love to be, so why not celebrate her by being in her favorite place?

So, before we left, I looked through Mom's favorite pictures and found the ones I wanted to recreate.
And that's what I did.


Ghirardelli Square from Hyde Park

Golden Gate Bridge - I think we found the spot!
This was on Mother's Day.  It was the perfect moment "with" Mom!

Pacific Ocean


Ghirardelli Square

Pier 39 Carousel at Fisherman's Wharf

Mom took the picture on the bottom.  She was in front of the hotel where I stayed this year!  Totally coincedince!
I don't know how Heaven works.
I don't know if God allows the residents to see us.  to be with us.
But I felt my Mom on this trip.
I know she cheered every time I found the right spot.  I know she smiled when she realized I love that city as much as she did.

I miss her and I was glad to have her with me!

*UPDATE: I've been back from my trip for a week now.  I'm doing much better than I was pre-trip. I think it was really healing for me.
My own memorial.
My own way to let her go into her new life while I go on with mine.

If you've lost a loved one, I encourage you to do something similar.  Maybe yours isn't a trip.
Maybe there is some adventure that they had.
Or some quiet spot they enjoyed.
Or something they always wanted to do but never had the chance.

Do it.

***To see more about my trip, click here!***



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San Francisco Vacation

I've been absent from the blog for a couple of months.  If you are a regular, you know that my Mom passed away back in March.
I just haven't been the same since then.
Nothing can prepare you for losing your Mom and, so far, life is never the same without your Mom in it.  I've just needed time to grieve and to begin to heal.  I don't actually think my grieving will end or that the hole in my heart will ever completely heal, but I will figure out how to live with it all.  And I will be happy because that's what Mom has always wanted for me.
I sure miss my Mommy.

I went to San Francisco with my husband.  I took Mom with me (click here to find out how) and I fell in love with the city - just like Mom did!

We had planned to leave on a Friday morning, but we got a call Thursday night that our flight had been cancelled and we were rescheduled for Saturday morning instead.
Leading up to this trip, I had been full of anxiety.
What if I got there and I wasn't ready to have fun yet?
What if it was just too much?
What if I was weepy and a pain in the tushy to travel with?
The flight being cancelled only added to my anxiety.

We slept in on Friday and went to eat at our favorite breakfast place.  We hadn't been much lately because of travel and family things, so it was nice to go there.
Then we visited a friend and her 3-week old baby.  She had a gift for me from a group of my girlfriends.  It was a beautiful dove and pearl necklace that I got to wear for mother of the trip.  The dove is my symbol for my Mom.  Maybe I'll share that story sometime too!
Then I got to finally meet the finance of a very dear friend.  Turns out our cancelled flight wasn't a wasted day after all!
After a long day of flying on Saturday (over the Grand Canyon and snow-covered Rockies, we finally arrived in San Francisco.  It was my first time in California!  The first thing I saw once we were outside the airport was a huge dove on the side of the building - my sign that Mom was there waiting for us.  We got our rental car (a tiny blue Mazda with no butt!) and drove to the hotel to check in.
We stayed at the Columbus Motor Inn.  It was nothing fancy, but small and quiet and located within walking distance to a lot of things.  Once we unpacked a bit, we walked over to Chinatown.
It was so cute!  I knew there were a few pictures that Mom had taken on her trip that I wanted to try to find. And I succeeded!  I also knew that one of Mom's favorite souvenirs from San Francisco was a tablecloth from chinatown.  I wanted to find one like it - turned out to be more difficult than expected.  I don't even know how many little shops we went into!  But, I finally walked into a shop that had just what I was looking for.  It isn't an exact match, but it is the closest I found.
After a good bit of shopping, we stopped at Brandy Ho's for some Hunan food.  It was SO good!
On the way back to our hotel, we saw a group of people dressed in clothing from the 30s and driving cars from that same era outside of the theater next to our hotel - Bimbo's 365 Club.  It was adorable!
We unpacked some more and then went to Little Italy for some gelato.  Then we slept - HARD!

The next morning, we decided we would walk to Washington Square to try to have breakfast at Mama's.  Do you see this line???
We did not have breakfast at Mama's!  We walked a few blocks back towards the hotel to have breakfast at Pat's.
I have 5 words for you: peanut. butter. chocolate. chip. pancakes.
Then we took our first drive across the Golden Gate Bridge to head to Muir Woods.  It was beautiful!  The trees are so big and tall - it felt like a movie set.  It's hard to believe that they are real.  We hiked for a long time, no thanks to the awful maps!  If you go, make sure you know where you're going unless you don't mind wandering in the woods for a while.  We didn't mind it, but we were really hungry once we got back to the beginning.
We stopped for lunch at the Shoreline Coffee Shop on our way back.  It was a cute little place and so yummy!  I'm not even sure what we ate, but I know it was fresh and so tasty.
We left there to hunt down a photo spot of Mom's.  Turns out the large slice of redwood tree is no longer there.  But, I got a great shot on the bridge - just like Mom's!  We parked on one side of the bridge and actually walked under it to the other side.  That was loud!
We attempted Lombard Street, but it was soooooo crowded, being a Sunday afternoon AND Mother's Day. We parked at the hotel and walked to Fisherman's Wharf just to have a look around.  We visited Pier 39, saw the seals and a beautiful sunset, and ate diner at Boudin's.  I have yummy clam chowder in a sourdough bowl.
Then we watched a beautiful sunset over the Bay.

Monday morning we ate breakfast at Joanie's Happy Days Diner.   We drove down Lombard Street and took video and pictures.  I tried to get some similar to Mom's, but it wasn't easy!  Then we tried to drive down Haight, but it was too trafficky.  I guess we will do that on the next trip!
Then we drove through Golden Gate State Park all the way to the Beach Chalet at Ocean Beach.  We stopped to see one of the famous windmills, of course.  I was sad that the tulips were already gone.
Then we drove up to Land's End for the gorgeous views.  I got some great pictures without even leaving the parking lot!  I also bought several souvenirs there - it was the best of the National Parks shops we went into.
We walked down to the Sutro Bath Ruins.  It was pretty amazing to imagine what it was like there in the early 1900s.  I took a picture like one Mom took there too.
Then we walked over to Louis' for lunch.  Mom and Dad had eaten there with Carlos and Maria Gerchow back in 1991.  It has changed a little, but not much!
Then we took a walk on the beach.  WARNING: Wear shoes to walk to the shore in the sand.  That dark sand was SO HOT!!  Also, the water is shockingly cold!  I'm used to our white sand beaches and warm water in the Gulf! I found a couple of sand dollars and enjoyed people and dog-watching on the beach.  I love the sound of the ocean, the salt smell, sand in my toes, and the breeze in my hair.  It was a good relaxing afternoon.
We still had some time to kill before our dinner reservation, so we drove to see the Painted Ladies (as seen in the opening credits of Full House) and then we found the REAL Full House house!  We went back to Golden Gate Park to see the carousel and then we took a paddle boat ride around Stow Lake.
Then we went to Sutro's at the Cliffhouse for a fancy late anniversary dinner. We had the perfect table with a sunset view and a view of the ruins.  Dinner was DELCIOUS!  After dinner, we went outside just in time for the sun to go fully down.  It was so beautiful and got SO cold!

Our last full day to actually be in the city of San Francisco was Tuesday.  Since we were moving hotels, we had to pack and check out before hitting the town.  We walked towards the wharf and stopped at Starbucks for a bite.  This Starbucks happened to be right at the turn table to the cable cars, so we sat and watched them turn the card.  I didn't know they did it all manually!

We walked to Pier 33 to board a ferry for Alcatraz!  We were both excited to visit there.  TIP: Get your tickets ahead of time - they sell out sometimes 2 weeks in advance.  It was so interesting and HOT!  My favorite part of the tour was learning about the unsolved escape during the audio tour.  TOUR TIP: once you finish the audio tour, you should go back out to the recreation yard.  There are great views of the bridge and city from outside the wall.  We ate at the cafe when we came back, but not too much because we headed somewhere else for dessert!
Being a chocoholic, I was determined to get to Ghirardelli Square.  I had to get a picture like Mom's from Hyde Park first, but then I went into a few shops and bought some cute souvenirs.  Hubs went to get the car while I shopped and then he met me for milk shakes.  I recommend the Nob Hill!  I happened to find a fountain where Dad took some great pictures of Mom while we were there too!  That was an extra surprise.
With bellies full of chocolate and ice cream, we headed across the Bay Bridge towards San Ramon and checked into our hotel there.  We ate dinner at the hotel and then drove to Danville for gelato.  What a precious little town!

The next day, the Hubs had to work all day.  I stayed in my PJs for a while and got a little rest.  Then I walked across the street to get my hair cut and my nails done!  Then I had my first In N Out Burger!  It was a hot day, but West Coast hot is not the same as Deep South hot!  The temp was in the 90s, but it was still breezy and not humid at all. I thought it felt great!  I enjoyed my walk and views of the rolling hills in that part of California.  Once the meetings were over for the hubs, we walked to an Italian restaurant and had some ice cream for dessert.

He had to work again the next day, but only for part of the day.  I spent the morning eating breakfast in bed and packing our stuff to go back to San Francisco.  I'm sure anyone who saw me talking all of our stuff to the car by myself had a good laugh!  But, I got our tiny car loaded and picked Ken up.  We had lunch at a deli and headed back across the bay.  We checked into our hotel near the airport and turned out rental car in.  TIP: rental car at SFO are an ordeal. It isn't the fault of the companies there, just the size of the airport and the volume of business makes it take a while.  Allow yourself a lot of time.
Then we took our first (and maybe last) ride on the BART.  It got us where we needed to go, but it was so loud and so hot!  I'll avoid it if I can!  We got off near the Ferry Building (foodie paradise) and wandered around there a bit.  I got Blue Bottle Vietnamese Coffee Ice Cream at Humphry Slocombe. Yummy!
Then we walked towards Fisherman's Wharf where Hubs' coworkers were eating.  We had seen a "Popeye" boat there a few days before.  There was a cute family getting on the boat and the captain invited us aboard (for $10 each) and we road around the breakers to Pier 39 for an up-close visit with the seals!  It was fun!  Hubs' coworkers were there when we got back.  We decided we'd rather ride back to the hotel with them than ride the BART again!  They went to Ghirardelli while we went to eat dinner.  I just happened to notice Ciopinno's!  We had to get ciopinno because Mom had to have it on her trip, so that's what was for dinner!  It probably wasn't the best in the world - mostly tasted like the risk, but it was nice to try it like Mom had.

Departure day meant an early morning.  We got to the airport with enough time to spare to eat breakfast.  We flew to Dallas where our gate changed over and over and then we had to sit on the plane while they put a new placard on the emergency exit (seriously?).  But we finally got home, had pizza with our daughter, and got some sleep that night!

It was an AMAZING trip!
I want to live there.
I'm not kidding.  Love. It.

I had a wonderful time with my husband and a wonderful time with Mom!


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Wednesday, March 12, 2014

What I've Learned From Mom

My Mama passed away Sunday.  I just want to share some things I learned from her.  Some of this may not make sense to you or mean what it means to me, but I want to put it out there so I can always remember these things.

Jesus loves you.  Love Him back.
Your kids come first.  But, your marriage came before the kids - keep it that way.
Being smart is cool enough.
"This too shall pass" really does make sense.
You don't have to be a big person to put the fear of God in your kids (or anyone who messes with them).
Being meek isn't being weak.
There's something good to say about everyone.
"He's got a mama too." (That means that everyone has someone who loves them.)
Sometimes it's ok to Let It Go.
Honor your parents.
Commitment - you follow through with your promises whether it is 6 weeks of saxophone lessons or a 48 year marriage.
Pretty on the outside doesn't mean pretty on the inside.  Pretty on the inside DOES mean pretty on the outside.
Every day that starts with coffee is a better day.
Doing "the puzzles" keeps you sharp.
If you don't say what you want nobody will ever know.
Express your creativity in as many ways as you can.
A clean house isn't as important as a hospitable house.
Gumbo = Love
"All God's children gotta…(do algebra, wash dishes, break up with a jerk, etc.)"
Being a woman is good. Being a wife is a gift. Being a mother is a blessing.  Being a grandmother is better than anything else!
Money doesn't buy happiness.
Read through the Bible. Every word. 
Tell people you love them if you really do. 
Talk!
Dying isn't scary if you know where you're going.



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Tuesday, March 04, 2014

VoxBox #Jadore!

So excited!  I just got my first big Voxbox from Influenster.

Here's what's inside:
Boots Botanics Shine Away Ionic Clay Mask
Hershey's Kisses 
Frizz Ease 3-Day Straight Flat Iron Spray
KISS Looks So Natural Lashes
Red Rose Simply Indulgent Teas
Vaseline Men Spray Lotion

This box was full of fun stuff to try out!  The first thing on my to-do list was the eyelashes!  I've always wanted to pull off the false lashes look, but I'm pretty terrible at it.
The glue that comes with these lashes turns green when you apply it, so that makes it a little easier to make sure you've covered the lash.  I'm not sure if it was me or the lashes, but I didn't love this experience!  I kept them on for a little while, but removed them before leaving the house.  They just didn't' feel secure.

Next on my list was the mask.  Oh, how I love a good face mask.
How pretty is that?  I really really really like this mask by Boots Botanicals!  My skin tends to be a little dry in cold weather, so I was worried I'd be flaky.  But I wasn't!
The mask dries quickly and left my face feeling soft.  I love it!

After a relaxing facial I needed a cup of tea!

YES!
I LOVED the Creme Caramel Red Rose Tea!  What a great treat on a cold day!  It was sweet and flavorful without tasting artificial or too sweet.  There was a coupon in the VoxBox for $2.00 off a box of tea AND each tea bag package has a coupon!  Thanks, VoxBox!


Also in the box:





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Thursday, February 27, 2014

1 Corinthians 10:12-13

It's time for the Proverbs 31 OBS blog hop!  It is the last one for the Made to Crave study - bitter sweet!

This week's verse is 1 Corinthians 10:12-13.  You've probably heard it before if you have battled some sort of temptation.
I must admit, I struggled with making this verse my own.  I'm still trivializing the temptations I face with food as "real" temptations sometimes.
How can I compare my food cravings to the cravings of an alcoholic?  or drug addict?  or thief?
Sad thing is, I know that my temptations are as much a distraction from my walk with God as anyone else who struggles with temptation.  We have turned our addictions into idols.

Ew…I don't like saying I have a food addiction!!!

Anyway - on to the verse!


Here's my take: 
I cannot be fooled into thinking I am unwavering (invincible).  I must be aware of my choices so that I don't fall.  I have no excuse: there is no temptation I have ever been faced with that hasn't been faced before.  All of mankind has struggled.  GOD is true, thorough, and trusted.  He WILL NOT allow me to be attracted to something past the point of my ability to handle it.  But, when (not if) I am lured to something, he will supply other options (HE IS MY PORTION) so that I can resist with patience.

I can't let my guard down.
Satan goes around like a roaring lion seeking who he may devour.  Satan doesn't give up, so why should I?
God will ALWAYS be my portion.  He will ALWAYS provide a way for me to avoid those things that haunt me.

Want to see what others have to say?  Click that button over there ~~~>

I have SO enjoyed and grown in this study.  Thank you to Lysa TerKeurst and the ladies at Proverbs 31 Ministries for this study.  Thank you to the other ladies (and a few men) who have stuck it out and done this with me.  It has been eye opening and #empowering!

The next OBS will be the Action Plan that goes along with Made to Crave!  Very excited to start that soon.  If you have never participated in an online Bible study, I encourage you to join one soon! It has helped me with the discipline of daily time of prayer, Bible reading, and journaling…not to mention the self discipline with my health!

If you are wondering - I have lost 7.5 lbs during this 6-week study.  I am THRILLED that the number on the scale is going down.  But, I'm even more thrilled that another area of my life has been enveloped by my "spiritual" life.  My desire is that my entire life will be my spiritual life!


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